If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the Rat Race, you're a Male Chauvinist Pig.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her and the kids.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing layabout.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your arse and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a sheila.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you thump her, it's wife-bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self-defence.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're a poofter.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If you ask for a cuddle, you never think of anything but sex.
If you're totally whacked after a hard day's work, you don't give a stuff about other people's needs.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her any more.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
The Repressed Male