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Politically Correct Terms for Cat Owners

My cat does not barf hairballs he is a floor/rug redecorator
My cat does not break things she helps gravity do its job
My cat does not fear dogs they are merely sprint practice tools
My cat does not gobble she eats with alacrity
My cat does not scratch he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator
My cat does not yowl he is singing off-key
My cat is not a "shedding machine" she is a hair relocation stylist
My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile" she enjoys the proximity of food
My cat is not a bed hog he is a mattress appreciator
My cat is not a chatterbox she is advising me on what to do next
My cat is not a dope addict she is catnip appreciative
My cat is not a lap fungus he is bed selective
My cat is not a pest she is attention deprived
My cat is not a ruthless hunter she is a wildlife control expert
My cat is not evil she is badness enhanced
My cat is not fat he is mass enhanced
My cat is not hydrophobic she has an inability to appreciate moisture
My cat is not lazy he is motivationally challenged
My cat is not underfoot she is leading me to my next destination (the food dish!)
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