Charmin: 'Butt... Wipe... Err.'
Microsoft: 'How much are you going to pay today?'
Eggs: 'The Incredible Edible Ovum.'
MTV: 'Loud and easy to spell.'
Saks 5th Avenue: 'You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid.'
Iguana: 'The other green meat.'
Penis Enlargement Specialists: 'It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing!'
Nike: 'Just buy the damn shoes, you flabby spineless lump!'
Daisy Air Rifles: 'Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years.'
Canon Photocopiers: 'Quit calling them Xeroxes, dammit!'
Pepto Bismol: 'Squash the Squirts!'
Trojans: 'Just add meat.'
Apple Macintosh: 'Hey, we thought of it first!'
Radio Shack: 'You've got questions, we've got geek losers!'
Professional Bowling on NBC: 'Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?'