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Waste some time
Have a donut and some coffee
While you are supposed to be working

Things the Internet has taught me

All my base apparently no longer belong to me.
There is a bloke in Turkey who wishes to kiss me, and he is fond of table tennis
David Beckham has been a naughty boy (actually he hasn’t)
Claire Swires swallows
I can increase the size of my manhood
The x-10 is a nifty little camera
I can give my credit card number to complete strangers
If I return I should bring pie.
Women are longing to take off their clothes for me.
I can earn a university diploma with very little effort.
Women agree, size does matter.
Anything you can name - anything at all - someone out there has sex with it, writes stories about having sex with it, takes pictures of having sex with it, and/or creates pictures of having sex with it - and discusses it with many others who share the same interest.
Similarly, name any book, TV show, band, movie, or celebrity. Someone out there thinks it is the greatest gift to mankind and will be happy to tell you all about it.
Those little remote control cars are not available in stores (apart from the two I bought in a store).
Obviously my computer is broadcasting an IP address... (Umm)
Someone out there wants me to watch a 16 year old virgin slut having sex with a horse.
I might never know what Collette does with her vibrator.
Lonely women with abusive spouses are just waiting to talk to me over the net
I am not supposed to feed the troll even when its cute and housetrained...
If I punch the monkey, I win.
Real people have won lots of money playing the Internet casinos. Honest, guv.
God owns and operates a website in Singapore.
Free things are available for only the cost of shipping but shipping costs three times the amount I would pay for the item at my local stores.
People with feedback of less than 10 should not be trusted.
Bob is a wanker.
If the ad is flashing, I am a winner.
Porn can be on my computer, and I might not even know it.
A number of lenders would like to contact me about a better mortgage deal.
There are an almost infinite number of people in corrupt African nations who need my help to get their hands on a substantial amount of cash.
Herbal Viagra is available without a prescription.
Canter and Siegel can help me realize my dream of living and working in the US.
There is a man named David Rhodes, and he had his car repossessed before discovering the secret of Making Money Fast!
Tiffany TinyTits is new to the area, and would like to hook up, xoxoxoxoxox lololololol.
Life before the World Wide Web was meaningless.
Even though I am a woman, many people guarantee that they can increase my penis size by 3".
I am easily amused. (those dancing hamsters are so cute)
Spam -- it's not just for breakfast.
Someone has a crush on me via ecrush
My computer security may be at risk and I need to check it immediately.
I've just won $115 in prizes just for clicking on the flashing banner!
I've also won an all-expenses paid trip to Disneyworld and/or Cancun.
Wee Bull is not Bob's friend.
I can fix my love life through personal ads, because a well-educated professional who shares my interests and lives in my town is searching for me... right... now.
If the ad is flashing, I am a winner. Unless I have epilepsy.
We are educated stupid.
We word-murder our children.
That if by some accident you enter a incorrect site, it is ALWAYS the one that will NOT LET YOU LEAVE.
Pop ups are annoying, I would not be surprised if they did not induce seizures in some people as quick as some of the ads *pop* up.
Apparently I am rich and have unclaimed money (Which means I am stupid for sitting here broke right?)
When you think you have seen it all, you have not... some one else will shock you, even tho you SWORE you were unshockable after the last event.
There is intelligent life out there (who is single and sweet and cute), and sadly it is always someone who lives in another country.
Forwarded email NEVER EVER die, they circulate forever!
If people winked in real life as much as they do online, facial ticks would be commonplace.
I can enlarge my penis size.
I can enlarge my breast size.
Why can't I do both? I'd be a real hit in some quarters.
I learned that Bill Gates is beta testing a program of his and he will give me a check for $153.56 if I forward it on to everyone in my inbox (and the guy who sent me it got THREE checks!)
Craig Shergold is dying of a brain tumour and wants me to send him my business card so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
I learned that a duck's quack does not echo, and no-one knows why!
I can make 2500$ while I work at home.
I've got mail.
Soy sauce wants to show me and show you.
The administrators wants to thank me for posting.
Lesbians want, above all else, cock. In particular, mine.
Teen girls like to take 31 inch horse cock, and the evidence is available on links sent to my e-mail by Mortgage approvers, apparently.
Whatever extreme political stands someone takes, little searching can show someone who supports positions even more extreme. Similarly, whatever perversions you can imagine, you can find a website for people who practice it, website specifically for gay people who practise it, and mailing list where people swap pictures of anthropomorphised animals doing it to each other.
The best way to not get spam is to have a spam-catching account. Hmmm...... perhaps the best way to not get junk mail is to have a second house?
NPR reported today....
Rock bottom prices just for YOU.
I am paying to much for my cell phone, cable/satellite and auto insurance.
If you spank the monkey, you go blind.
I need a lawyer and I did not even no it!!! Oh my...
I am pre-approved for 16 different credit cards!!! Party time...
I can get a free cell phone!!! What can I do with the 7 I already have?
Oh, and I pay too much for my insurance. But none of them can ever beat the rates I am already getting....
I can lose weight while I sleep. (Do you suppose by any chance it's because I'm not eating while I sleep???)
I can find out the truth about my neighbour over the internet.
I can get unsolicited stock buy recommendations from random strangers.
Financial advice is more important and trustworthy if they use lots of exclamation points.
The WTC towers collapsed because the NSA put timed explosives in the sub-basement, and the planes that hit them were either piloted by remote-control, or were digitally created special effects.
Wandering knock-off perfume salesmen aren't just poor schmucks who can't get a decent job, they're actually kidnappers and rapists.
Haunted sticks are valuable commodities.
And, naturally, my penis is way too small to ever be if any practical use.
On the up-side, I learned how to make a wild-mushroom risotto that actually delivers on the promises made by the purveyors of "pheromone-enhanced after-shave."
Up to *4* different lenders are just sitting there waiting to make me a deal on a mortgage.
If I have bad/poor/no credit, I can easily get a home loan for ANYTHING I WANT - never mind I don't own a house.
Also, in spite of the aforementioned possibility of bad/poor/no credit, I can get a car loan. Anywhere. Anytime. Even at 4am!
I can by a crappy digital camera that doesn't even work with my computer for 5 times what it's worth, in three easy instalments.
I can even buy a whole new computer, with no/poor/bad credit again, for 5 times what it's worth, in about a million instalments.
That people I don't know will respond to emails I never sent with information I never asked for and frankly, don't want to know.
I have also learned that apparently I have an evil twin who sends me spam using my own user name.
That an email with "good times" in the subject is apparently capable of sending an electrifying jolt of energy though my computer, rendering it into a flaming hunk of scrap if I should so much as look at it.
If I forward this to 20 people within 4.23 hours, my crush will love me forever.
If I don't, I will die.
For every person that this is forwarded to, the BBC will donate 10p to a boy in India with no arms, legs, hair or friends.
I can get top quality lawyers for cents. (even though I have no need for a lawyer, and tend not to pay for things with American currency)
Someone set us up the bomb.
I'm highly thought of by rich people in Nigeria.
I can lose excess pounds quickly and easily without diets or exercise.
My PC may be infected with a virus.
MLM is a Guaranteed Cash Generating System!!
It's easy to eliminate my debt and build a better future.
My penis is apparently way too small.
I can get just about anything if I'll just Click Here.
That I can access thousands of porn websites FOR FREE, and they ask that I give them a VISA or Mastercard number (which they would never, ever bill) ONLY as proof I am over 21.
Though I live on the top floor of a five-story rental building, many people wish to give me a killer deal on septic tank installation and care.
My lack of an emotional response to, or believe in the truth of, several hundred inspirational e-mails, and my subsequent refusal to forward them to anyone, makes me a godless, heartless and generally worthless person.
If I wanted to, I could have a cock so big it scares people. I guess I'd have to carry it around in a jar and show it to people, which I admit would be pretty scary.
Buying Human Growth Hormone over the Internet is completely safe and economical to boot.
Technology has been developed that will save the lives of little children born without bodies. However, if their parents are very poor and can't afford to pay for a good replacement body, the child will have to make do with a burlap bag for a body until such funds can be raised.
I can get sex delivered to my house in under thirty minutes, and sometimes it will even be satisfying.
I can order Viagra RIGHT NOW from the discreet privacy of my own home, at a discounted price.
Someone may be looking for me at my old e-mail address! And judging from the picture, she's really pretty.
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