I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots...and I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
IRS: We've got what it takes, to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Keep honking...I'm reloading.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Always remember you're unique just like everyone else.
No hand signals...Driver on Viagra
Honk! If you want to see my finger.
Men are like a fine wine.
They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.