If experience is the best teacher, these criminals need more experience These true stories were gleaned from police records across the country....
LICENSE TO STEAL
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain and their license plate still attached to the bumper.
IN THE BAG
A 'tourist,' supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing He did - backwards A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot She was sentenced to four years in jail.
DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence For payment, he provided the court a forged check He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.
YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the car pool lane He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.
THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, 'Crook, come forward.' Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.
LEARN YOUR LESSON
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher The judge rose from the bench 'Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,' he smiled with delight 'Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times.'
AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went 'a little bit too far' in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.