Maternity leave would last two years - with full pay.

There'd be a cure for stretch marks.

Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem.

All methods of birth control would be 100 percent effective.

Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained.

Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

They wouldn't think twins were quite so cute.

Fathers would demand that their SONS be home from dates by 10:00pm.

Men could use their briefcases as diaper bags.

They'd have to stop saying, ‘I'm afraid I'll drop him.’

Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.

They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months.

Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as entrees.

Women would rule the world. (Since they would have all the power, and men would be powerless, none of this stuff would actually happen so this joke would be called: If women got pregnant...)