Reminds me of the time that I was asked by a user how he fitted the third disk in his drive when installing some software - yes, he did have two floppies shoved (somehow) into his 5.25' slot already and the rather primitive install script, instead of giving an error, blithely prompted him to insert disk 3! And then there was the company who kept the back-up of their PC on a single floppy disk (they didn't have much on the PC) which they kept on their filing cabinet using a fridge magnet to attach it there!
Anyway, read and enjoy!
From an ex-field sales/support survivor:
I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking Power Supply. The service rep was having a bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem.
Service Rep: 'Sir, something has burnt within your Power Supply.'
Customer: 'I bet that there is some command that I can put into the Autoexec.bat that will take care of this.'
Service Rep: ' There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem.'
Customer: 'I know that there is something that I can put in... some command... maybe it should go into the Config.sys.' [After a few minutes of going round and round]
Service Rep: 'Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your Autoexec.bat and add the last line as C:DOSNOSMOKE and reboot your computer.' [Customer does this]
Customer: 'It's still smoking.'
Service Rep: 'I guess you need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.'
[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of this guy but NO... he calls back four hours later]
Service Rep: 'Hello Sir, how is your computer?'
Customer: 'I call Microsoft and they said that my Power Supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost.
Compaq Computers may change the command which reads 'Press Any Key' to 'Press Return Key' because of the flood of calls asking where the 'Any' key is.
AST technical support had a caller complain that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. Turned out, the 'dust cover' was the plastic bag the mouse came in.
A man called a Compaq technician complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old 5' diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labelled the diskettes and then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later, a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on and was heard putting the phone down and crossing the room to close the door to his office.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the 'Send' key.
Yet another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. 'Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,' the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, 'Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks.'
A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was 'bad and invalid.' The tech explained he shouldn't take the responses personally.
An exasperated caller to Dell couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. The tech asked if she had plugged it in. She had. The tech asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response was, 'I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.' The 'foot pedal' turned out to be the computer's mouse.