A radio station in the US recently ran a phone-in competition to find
the most embarrassing moments in listener's lives. The following are the final four placegetters:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!".
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!
I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter."
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.
As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!".
My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a State of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again."
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of the items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the public address system and boomed out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks".
In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU BELT IN WITH A HAMMER?"
This one actually happened at a major US university in October last year. In a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.
A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?"
"That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add some statistical data.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books
without a word and walked out of the class, and never returned. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat !"