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Waste some time
Have a donut and some coffee
While you are supposed to be working

Employee Evaluations

NAME :________________________________________
TITLE :___________
DATE :___/___/ 20___
DEPARTMENT :____________________________
SUPERVISOR : GOD
DATE EMPLOYED : He Just Showed Up
EVALUATION : See Comments Below

KNOWLEDGE
__________ This son of a bitch really knows his shit.
__________ Knows most phases of his job.
__________ Knows just enough to be dangerous.
__________ Stupid bastard; couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
__________ Fucker is brain damaged, a coffee cup has a higher IQ.

ACCURACY
__________ Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with sex.
__________ Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.
__________ Doesn't give a shit if his output is right or wrong.
__________ Does shitty work and consistently fucks up.
__________ Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.

RATE OF WORK
__________ Fastest fucker I ever saw.
__________ Fast son of a bitch, if he thinks he'll get a raise.
__________ Does a lot of work, at salary review time.
__________ Works only if kicked in the ass every five minutes.
__________ Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma.

DEPENDABILITY
__________ A very dependable little cock sucker.
__________ Usually dependable, at salary review time.
__________ Conscientious, only if sex urge is satisfied.
__________ Can depend on him to be the first one to leave at 4pm.
__________ Completely incompetent, totally fucking worthless.

COOPERATION
__________ Extremely cooperative; alias 'Office Brown Noser'.
__________ Brown noser in good standing.
__________ Cooperative only if ass is kissed frequently.
__________ Thinks it is his job to piss off co-workers frequently.
__________ Doesn't give a shit; never has never will.

APPEARANCE
__________ Extremely neat & orderly; even combs his pubic hairs.
__________ Neat & orderly, at salary review time.
__________ Needs to be introduced to toothpaste & deodorant.
__________ Sloppy, dirty, filthy, smelly bastard.
__________ Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him.

LEADERSHIP
__________ Carries chain saw around and gets good results.
__________ Consistently pisses off the troops.
__________ Occasionally gets told to get fucked.
__________ Only the janitor obeys him.
__________ Couldn't lead a pack of starving wolves to fresh meat.

I have read the above and understand my evaluation.
I will attempt to correct all deficiencies.

SIGNATURE :________________________________ DATE :___/___/20___
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