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Caught@Work Productions
Waste some time
Have a donut and some coffee
While you are supposed to be working

Get with the program

You’ve seen those computer magazines with names like Data Dweeb. No doubt you have asked yourself, what kind of no-life loser actually reads those things?

I do! I look at pictures of computer systems and say things like ‘Whoa! Check out the 6X scsi-2 CD-ROM drive on that baby!’ I’m a total computer geek.

I’ve owned more than 20 computers. I’m always on the look out for a new one to replace my current one when it becomes obsolete, which usually happens before I can get it all the way out of the box.

I have learned to use my computer as a productive tool in my everyday life and you can too. We live in the computer age and you need to get with the program.

The computer world has a language all it’s own, just like Hungary. The difference is, if you hang around with Hungarians long enough you eventually start to understand them. Here are some basic computer terms.

Hardware. This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.

Software. These programs give instructions to the CPU, which process billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it send you an error message that requires you to call the customer support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life span of a caribou.

Megahertz. This is really, really big hertz.

RAM. This give guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. This is important because the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages.

The internet is the single most important development in the history of human communications since the invention of call waiting. A bold statement ? Indeed, but consider how the internet can enhance your lives.

Imagine that you need to: 1. make an airline reservation; 2. buy concert tickets; 3. research a tax question; and 4. help you r child with a school project. Now you simply turn on your computer, dial up you internet access number and in less than an instant you can hear an engaged tone.

Once you get through, your connected to millions of people all over the globe and can chat with total strangers. As a new person, or ‘newbie’, on the internet, you’ll probably be struck by the fact that a lot of messages contain odd looking words. This is a shorthand users have developed so they don’t waste valuable time typing. Here’s a typical conversation.

Person A: What’s up?

Person B: Not much

Person A: LOL

Person B: ROTFL

This may look like gobbledygook, but these people are actually having an extremely witty conversation.

The represents a ‘grin’, indicating the writer meant to be funny. Interestingly the statement is almost never remotely humorous. LOL is shorthand for ‘Laughing Out Load’ and is generally used in response to a . ROTFL or ‘Rolling On The Floor Laughing’ is used for a statement that is even funnier than the one that is merely LOL. There is no end to the hilarity on the internet.

All of the above information might be of practical value if it hadn’t all become obsolete minutes after it was written. The computer revolution changes everything way too fast for the human brain to understand. This is why only 14-year-olds really comprehend what’s going on. After all, they aren’t really human.

We’re only beginning to scratch the surface of the computers capabilities. We do not know what lies round the next bend on the information superhighway. All we know for certain is that when we finally arrive, we won’t have enough RAM.
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