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Waste some time
Have a donut and some coffee
While you are supposed to be working

6 Ways to Detect when the Honeymoon is Over

Addictions
Before
You tell her you don't mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you've taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly over.
After
For the fifth night in a row you stagger in blotto, dig out your stash and mull up, pass out in the lounge in your underpants and expect her to accept that you're just being you.

Bodily functions
Before
You spray aerosol after a crap; piss on the side of the bowl to reduce noise and never, ever fart in her presence.
After
You fart in front of her with impunity and obvious pride, commenting on the food intake for the day and speculating on the resultant odour. Despite repeated pleas to the contrary, you fart in bed and hold her head under the covers. You think it's hilarious.

Relations/Friends
Before
Her aunty Jane is a real character with a lively personality and interesting views about politics, and her unemployed girlfriend Amanda is a genuine, charming supportive friend who you think is really nice.
After
Aunty Jane is a loud-mouthed, pain-in-the-arse fascist with all the personality of a cold sore. Amanda is a manipulative loser, but you wouldn't mind slipping her one if the opportunity arose.

Sex
Before
Sex is a sweat-soaked, gymnastic romp that lasts for hours. You fuck to impress, using all your tricks - your renowned tit grope, marathon oral sex sessions, and jackhammer-like screwing. Fucking four times a day is not uncommon.
After
A wank is often preferable to the effort of sex. When you do have sex, you think about Amanda.

Attention span
Before
Her words are hypnotic; her wit is incisive; her anecdotes about her life pre-you are spellbinding. Over candlelight and coffee you listen with interest and politely chortle as she recounts stories of her childhood.
After
Your eyes glaze over as soon as she mentions anything that doesn't involve you. What's more, you develop the uncanny ability to be able to concentrate on the T.V and listen to her at the same time. The phrase, 'Are you listening to me?' becomes an evening mantra.

The flip side
Before
She thinks you are witty, disciplined, a sexual athlete, attentive, loving, faithful and devoid of all crass male habits which have plagued her previous relationships.....but she suspects that you're full of shit.
After
She knows you're full of shit
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