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Award Winning Reasons I've Given for not going to Work

Back in my earlier days, I had one occasion I had to call in 'no pants'. The laundry room at my block of flats closed at 9:00pm. One night, I completely forgot that I had a load in the dryer that included ALL my pants (except for the tracksuit pants I was wearing). I didn't remember them until almost midnight, way after the laundry room had been locked for the night, so I had to wait until 9:00am the next day to get them out. Had to call in and say I'd be late because my pants were being held hostage. The boss was both amused and not amused at the same time.

This is not a true story about me, but is a true story about one of my friends. This friend was in the shower and as he is in the habit doing, he put his lower dental plate on the edge of the bath tub, completely forgetting that the door to the bathroom was not properly closed. Can you see where this is going? Anyways, the friendly little puppy decided to play 'chew bone' with his lower set of dentures. He called into work and the boss did nothing but laugh and laugh and laugh until he cried. The boss claimed it was the best excuse ever and my friend was allowed the time off work to go the the dentist to get the mangled teeth repaired.

This is so true. I had to call in stupid once. Damned daylight savings time! Only works once a year though.

This one is also so very true. Around 1990 (or so) I was playing in a band and we had to travel to Bairnsdale. Now to those of you not from around here, that's about 300km west of Melbourne and takes about 3-4 hours to get there. We got there just dandy and started the gig. After the first bracket there still weren't all that many people in the club and we couldn't work out why. We weren't that bad. Eventually one of us decided to take a look outside, and it was pissing down. Not just raining, it was thumping. It was raining cats and dogs. Had Noah been around, he would have started gathering wood for the Ark. It was raining so hard that after the second bracket the manager came over and told us that we could pack up as there was not going to be anyone else in that night and he and the staff wanted to get home before the river flooded. Sure, we thought, a easy night's work for full pay, so we packed up and went back to the hotel. The next morning (Sunday), it was still raining. It rained all day. The roads out of Bairnsdale were flooded. We were stuck, with exactly one change of clothes and nothing else. Monday came around and we were still flooded in. We tried to call work, but the phones were out too. Tuesday it stopped raining and we tried to get out of town. No luck. Wednesday we tried again and finally after about 6 or 7 hours on the road we made it out. The final call to the boss to tell him I wasn't at to work as I had been flooded in was taken with very good humor but I wasn't entirely certain he believed me.

Which reminds me of another time I was stuck. It was during the pilots strike in 1988 I think. The commercial airline pilots had gone on strike and the Federal Government had stepped in and had started to put on Air Force planes to get people around the country. We had booked a holiday in Queensland and while we made it there before the strike, coming back was a completely different story. Getting on to Air Force planes was no mean feat of negotiation. Suffice to say that we were forced to over stay our holiday by about a week and as we had booked to fly back the day before coming back to work, having to stay another week did not put the boss in a very good mood, but it was certainly an award winner.

'I'm locked in!' No seriously. We have dead locks on all of the doors and windows. Without a key you simply cannot open the door or window. This goes for the inside the house as well as the outside. You see, my wife had stacked her car earlier in the week and had to drop it off at the repair shop. As such, she left for work a little earlier than usual, and while I was in my final minutes of slumber, she had told me that she was taking my keys as hers were staying with the car. It wasn't until I had finally dragged my bare arse into the shower that I realised what she had done, so later that morning, I had to embarrass myself by calling the boss and telling them I couldn't come in to work today because 'I'm locked in'.
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