Home » Ratings
Caught@Work Productions
Waste some time
Have a donut and some coffee
While you are supposed to be working

Dinosaurs

Iguanodon.
Means Iguana Tooth Dinosaur. Der! Where do these palaeontologists get off with their dinosaur name generators. At least is doesn't end in 'saurus' like the rest. Given Iguana means lizard and 'saurus' means lizard, then Iguanosaurus would mean lizard lizard. Iguanodon is a herbivore, so doesn't get the 'saurus' as it's not terrible (unless you count the time it left the kids in the back of the car when it went to play blackjack at the casino, but now I'm rambling). Back to the facts.
Iguanodon is generally believed to walk on all 4 legs. Really! Weighing up to 5 tonnes I didn't expect it to be balancing on its head.
On a more (or less) fascinating note, Iguanodon could chew. Hmmm. Chew. One of the basics necessities for eating I would have guessed, but no, most reptiles (unlike mammals) can't chew because they don't have the special 'chewing' muscles in the face. They probably didn't have the 'wolf whistle' muscles either, come to think of it. Rip, tear and swallow seems to be the method of the day. Kinda like Oprah.
So next time you see a dinosaur ruminating, call out 'Dinosaurs Can't Chew!' and see if people are in awe of your knowledge, or whether they edge away from you with a slightly disturbed look on their face.
Here rests the facts on the Iguanodon.
D


Diplodocus
Member of the Sauropod family, but doesn't get the 'saurus' so it wasn't a terrible lizard. I do have to ask though, how is the 'cus' family described? Big fat assed lizard? Diplodocus, 30 tonnes, 45 meters long, certainly fits the bill of big fat assed lizard. Just like Oprah.
I suppose they also walked on all 4 legs rather than loped around on their tails and heads? Yep!
This fat ass couldn't chew however. It swallowed food whole and then swallowed rocks which, grinding around in their stomachs would break down the food for digestion. I suppose it would then shit bricks!
Related to the Brachiosaurus, Apatosaurus and Camarasaurus, palaeontologists thought they had discovered a new dinosaur and gave it the name Seismosaurus. Upon closer inspection (maybe after they put their glasses on) they now believe a Seismosaurus is really just an old Diplodocus whereas many of us think palaeontologist is really 'boy who didn't grow out of playing with toys'.
Called Diplodocus because it is lizard-hipped (wow, hip lizard), I think the palaeontologists should really have looked up the Latin for stupid scientist (Bardus Scientia) and called it a Bard-arse-scientia-saurus making it only slightly less pronounceable than any of these other stupid 'saurus'
Fuck, all these saurususus and paeleantogolostistis words are starting to piss me off. Let's go for something simpler.
C


Pterosaur/Pterodactyl/Pteranadon
Oh, shit. That's even worse. The largest animals ever to fly were the Pterosaurs. This put them in a class of their own (along with Pterodactyls and Pteranadons) and are cool for two obvious reasons: they can fly and they have a silent 'p'.
Strictly speaking Pteranadons and Pterodactyls aren't in the same class, 'cos one has teeth and the other one doesn't. (Can't remember which and that obviously didn't bother the makers of Jurassic Park III, either). Furthermore, Pterodactyls couldn't really fly, but were only capable of gliding, which begs the question how does a creature with a 12m wing span, climb up enough mountain the glide down and wouldn't this take all day?
Meaning 'flying reptile' with wingspans of up to 12m, I really don't care if it's flying or gliding. When it's coming towards you, better send your arse towards the ground in a big hurry. Oh and even more strictly speaking, the picture is a Ornithocheirus which is also kinda related. Oh, and they all ate fish. Take that JPIII.
A


Stegosaurus
Two words: spiked tail. 'Oh, so you want to sneak up on me and eat my tasty body? WHAM! Spikes! For you! In your head!'. Plus it had I-am-an-industrial-monster plates on its back, which while probably for regulating body heat (cool, built in air-conditioner) or attracting mates (come on baby, let me show you my spike), were impressive-looking.
There are two main types of dinosaurs, named from the configuration of their pelvic bones: bird-hipped and lizard-hipped.
Stegosaurus is a bird-hipped dinosaur. Whether that means they're related to birds, I just dunno, but trust one thing, weighing ten tonnes, this guy is never gonna fly! With a brain the size of a golf-ball, you don't wanna mess with this guy though. It would be like duelling with Oprah. All body, no brain.
Stegosaurus ungulatis had 8 spikes and Stegosaurus stenops had 4 spikes ... and you thought there was only one Stegosaurus, tut tut. And oh, by the way, they are also herbivores.
A


Velociraptor
Let's go carnivore! These guys got a lot of press from 'Jurassic Park,' but let's face it, they're pretty unimpressive. They couldn't even manage to eat two little kids. Sure, they got the hunter, but he was coming up with cute last words when he should have been running his arse off in the other direction.
Other useless factoid about the Velociraptor in Jurassic Park, is that they were made twice their size to make them look scarier. Additional useless factoid about Jurassic Park was that this guy was actually from the early Cretaceous period. A difference from the Jurassic of about 25 million years. You think Spielberg would have noticed this.
Velociraptor is clearly carnivorous (check out the hook!) Swinging and hooking in a wide arc the huge slashing claw would disembowel enabling the Velociraptor to cripple and kill animals much larger than itself, such as Oprah.
Manicure time at Cretaceous Park was a bitch too. This claw is 20cm long and would have needed a heavy duty rasp to make any dent. Kinda like Oprah.
And for the kids who are researching dinosaurs, the picture is a Utahraptor, not a Velociraptor. Yes, Utah as in state in the USA, as in Donnie and Marie ... and Oprah.
C


Tyrannosaurus rex
Cool creature. Name means Tyrant Lizard. Unlike mine which means rock, I wish I could be known as Tyrant Lizard. Pissy little forearms though.
Tyrannosaurus's primary weapon was its mouth. Not unlike Oprah. With a 1.2 metre long jaw and a 1 metre gape, its curved serrated teeth were longer than a human hand. T-rex could not chew (haven't you been reading) and so had to swallow its food whole. Whether or not it swallowed stones to help breakdown the food in the gut is unknown, so we really don't know whether the T-Rex shat bricks, but if one came up behind you, the guarantee is that you definitely would.
Also living in the late Cretaceous Period (65 million years ago), this guy should never have appeared in Jurassic Park (Jurassic being 152 million years ago). Never let the facts spoil a good story.
B
Original Design © 2004 Caught@Work Productions
Terms and Conditions | Privacy Statement | Contact Us