Security
Doing A Job Right The FirstTtime Gets The Job Done Doing A Job Wrong Fourteen Times Gives You Job Security
Doing A Job Right The FirstTtime Gets The Job Done Doing A Job Wrong Fourteen Times Gives You Job Security
Sep-2005
Challenge
A Problem Shared Is A Problem Halved, So Is Your Problem Really Yours Or Only Half Of Someone Elses?
A Problem Shared Is A Problem Halved, So Is Your Problem Really Yours Or Only Half Of Someone Elses?
Jun-2005
Insanity
You Don't Have To Be Mad To Work Here In Fact We Ask You To Complete A Medical Questionnaire To Ensure That You Are Not
You Don't Have To Be Mad To Work Here In Fact We Ask You To Complete A Medical Questionnaire To Ensure That You Are Not
Jun-2005
Justice
I Am Grateful That I Am Not As Judgmental As All Those Censorious, Self-righteous People Around Me
I Am Grateful That I Am Not As Judgmental As All Those Censorious, Self-righteous People Around Me
Jan-2005
Jan-2005
Efficiency
Rome Did Not Create A Great Empire By Having Meetings. They Did It By Killing Everyone Who Opposed Them.
Rome Did Not Create A Great Empire By Having Meetings. They Did It By Killing Everyone Who Opposed Them.
Nov-2004
Teamwork
It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.
It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.
Sep-2004
Aug-2004
Ability
Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly
Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly
Aug-2004
Service
This Office Is Like The Army I Am The General You Are The Soldiers The Customer Is The Enemy
This Office Is Like The Army I Am The General You Are The Soldiers The Customer Is The Enemy
Jul-2004
Dedication
I No Longer Need to Punish, Deceive, or Compromise Myself. Unless I Want to Stay Employed.
I No Longer Need to Punish, Deceive, or Compromise Myself. Unless I Want to Stay Employed.
Jun-2004
Satisfaction
At Least You Will Always Have The Satisfaction That You Will Serve As A Bad Example For Others
At Least You Will Always Have The Satisfaction That You Will Serve As A Bad Example For Others
Apr-2004
Teamwork
Any New Venture Goes Through the Following Stages: Enthusiasm, Complication, Disillusionment, Search for the Guilty, Punishment of the Innocent and Decoration of Those Who Did Nothing
Any New Venture Goes Through the Following Stages: Enthusiasm, Complication, Disillusionment, Search for the Guilty, Punishment of the Innocent and Decoration of Those Who Did Nothing
Feb-2004
Limitations
Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in a promotion to a job you can't do.
Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in a promotion to a job you can't do.
Jan-2004
Attitude
If you're gonna be late, then be late. Not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast
If you're gonna be late, then be late. Not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast
Jan-2004
Depression
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail
Dec-2003
Nov-2003
Nov-2003
Respect
If you treat the people around you with respect, they will never guess that you're trying to stab them in the back
If you treat the people around you with respect, they will never guess that you're trying to stab them in the back
Oct-2003
I
There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague'either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague'either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
Oct-2003
Failure
Failures are divided in two classes: Those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.
Failures are divided in two classes: Those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.
Oct-2003
Solutions
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, ""How would the Lone Ranger handle this?""
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, ""How would the Lone Ranger handle this?""
Sep-2003
Dedication
I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work
I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work
Sep-2003
Validation
Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think
Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think
Sep-2003
Despondency
Put The Key Of Despair Into The Lock Of Apathy Turn The Knob Of Mediocrity Slowly And Open The Gates Of Despondency Welcome To A Day In The Average Office
Put The Key Of Despair Into The Lock Of Apathy Turn The Knob Of Mediocrity Slowly And Open The Gates Of Despondency Welcome To A Day In The Average Office
Aug-2003
Infallibility
The Sign Of Greatness Is Not Necessarily Infallibility But The Ability To Weasel Out Of Being Caught
The Sign Of Greatness Is Not Necessarily Infallibility But The Ability To Weasel Out Of Being Caught
Jun-2003
Jun-2003
Teamwork
The Inability Of A Team Has A Greater Impact Than The Sum Of The Inabilities Of Each Team Member
The Inability Of A Team Has A Greater Impact Than The Sum Of The Inabilities Of Each Team Member
Jun-2003
Intimidated
A coward dies a thousand time before his death. A brave man once. Your day has only just started and you're up to 999.
A coward dies a thousand time before his death. A brave man once. Your day has only just started and you're up to 999.
May-2003
Apr-2003
Reality
There's No Such Thing As Equal Division Of Labour. Even If You Bring Home The Bacon, Do The Cooking, Protect The Household, You'll Still Get Saddled With Kids And The Laundry.
There's No Such Thing As Equal Division Of Labour. Even If You Bring Home The Bacon, Do The Cooking, Protect The Household, You'll Still Get Saddled With Kids And The Laundry.
Mar-2003
Individuality
You know many reasons why you are not like all the others. You just can't think of any right this moment...
You know many reasons why you are not like all the others. You just can't think of any right this moment...
Mar-2003
Love
Get your love some roses. There is nothing more romantic than the gift of the decaying, severed sexual organs of plants grown in mounds of cow manure.
Get your love some roses. There is nothing more romantic than the gift of the decaying, severed sexual organs of plants grown in mounds of cow manure.
Feb-2003
Insignificance
Trillions of stars in the universe. Billions of people on earth. So what difference do you make?
Trillions of stars in the universe. Billions of people on earth. So what difference do you make?
Jan-2003
Success
Success is like fragile crystal. You'll watch it fall through your hands and shatter on the floor.
Success is like fragile crystal. You'll watch it fall through your hands and shatter on the floor.
Dec-2002
Oct-2002
Regret
There Are Things In Your Life You Wish You Could Take Back - Until The Time Machine Is Invented Deal With It
There Are Things In Your Life You Wish You Could Take Back - Until The Time Machine Is Invented Deal With It
Oct-2002
Subsistence
Never Argue With A Cat When It Comes To Food. They Are Quicker, Smarter And Have A Lot More Weaponry
Never Argue With A Cat When It Comes To Food. They Are Quicker, Smarter And Have A Lot More Weaponry
Sep-2002
Envy
Check out that car. Don't you wish you had a big one like that? It would be nice to be rich wouldn't it? They probably have everything, great house, nice skin and no dandruff either. Do you hate them now? Go on, run your keys down their paintwork.
Check out that car. Don't you wish you had a big one like that? It would be nice to be rich wouldn't it? They probably have everything, great house, nice skin and no dandruff either. Do you hate them now? Go on, run your keys down their paintwork.
Aug-2002
Gluttony
Who's up for lunch right now? What? It's only 10 o'clock. Do you have $2 for the snack machine.? Check your pockets now, other people's pockets, their desks. I need chocolate right now, or chips. That will take my mind off it. What's for dinner?
Who's up for lunch right now? What? It's only 10 o'clock. Do you have $2 for the snack machine.? Check your pockets now, other people's pockets, their desks. I need chocolate right now, or chips. That will take my mind off it. What's for dinner?
Aug-2002
Greed
Don't forget the real reason you work here. It's not about the quality of job , or whether you're here at 8:00am. It's not about the success of the project and whether you'll meet the deadline. It's about money. Cash. Dosh. Dollars. That's why you're here.
Don't forget the real reason you work here. It's not about the quality of job , or whether you're here at 8:00am. It's not about the success of the project and whether you'll meet the deadline. It's about money. Cash. Dosh. Dollars. That's why you're here.
Aug-2002
Lust
Your time is up. You have been waiting for the right time to go over to that person and plead with them to hump you like a beast possessed. Well that time is now. Right now. Now, now, now. There is no later. Only now
Your time is up. You have been waiting for the right time to go over to that person and plead with them to hump you like a beast possessed. Well that time is now. Right now. Now, now, now. There is no later. Only now
Aug-2002
Pride
It's tough being the best looking and smartest person in the office. Not to mention your perfect teeth and stylish hair. You're witty, charming and loaded too. You have everything to be proud of. Do what anybody else in your shoes would do. Go rub their faces in it.
It's tough being the best looking and smartest person in the office. Not to mention your perfect teeth and stylish hair. You're witty, charming and loaded too. You have everything to be proud of. Do what anybody else in your shoes would do. Go rub their faces in it.
Aug-2002
Sloth
Hey, what's your hurry? It's not like your doing anything will save this ship from sinking anyway. Now would be a good time to put your feet up on the desk and relax. Just sit there. Head back, staring at the ceiling, dreaming. Dreaming of being on an island, on the beach, anywhere but here.
Hey, what's your hurry? It's not like your doing anything will save this ship from sinking anyway. Now would be a good time to put your feet up on the desk and relax. Just sit there. Head back, staring at the ceiling, dreaming. Dreaming of being on an island, on the beach, anywhere but here.
Aug-2002
Wrath
On days like this it takes an angry, angry person to set things right. You could try being polite and tactful, but where would that get you? They'll just screw it all up again. It's time to act. Tell your boss. Thump on their desk and demand that your way is the best way. You'll feel better. Unemployed, but better.
On days like this it takes an angry, angry person to set things right. You could try being polite and tactful, but where would that get you? They'll just screw it all up again. It's time to act. Tell your boss. Thump on their desk and demand that your way is the best way. You'll feel better. Unemployed, but better.
Aug-2002
May-2002
Frustration
Real Men Don't Ask Directions. Ever. It's Genetic. It Pisses Women Off. Which Is The Reason They Do It.
Real Men Don't Ask Directions. Ever. It's Genetic. It Pisses Women Off. Which Is The Reason They Do It.
May-2002
Stupidity
Standing Out In The Open In The Middle Of A Gun Fight Will Almost Always Result In Death รป Yours
Standing Out In The Open In The Middle Of A Gun Fight Will Almost Always Result In Death รป Yours
Apr-2002
Goals
If You Don't Set Goals For Your Employees That Are High Enough, You Will Pay For That Mistake With Bonuses
If You Don't Set Goals For Your Employees That Are High Enough, You Will Pay For That Mistake With Bonuses
Apr-2002
Mar-2002
Mar-2002
